I guess, I was safe with you. That’s what I didn’t realize. Before you, I wasn’t yet aware of who I was going to be or what I even wanted. I had ideas, yes, but they were puerile and plagued with adolescence. I was never sure about anything, especially you. Although I knew you were different, I never grasped it. I never thought to hold on and not let you go, because I never knew what it would be like without you. Part of me wanted to be who you thought I was; wild and impetuous. I am not like that though. Without you now, I am just a faded color, washed out by the lack of your presence. If I had you now, everything would be different. I’m not sure if I’m trying to let you go or hold on to you. I don’t know if I am trying to forget or if I’m trying to remember. Why is it this bad? I never thought something would get me this hard. Songs, movies, shows, books; salt on my wounds. It’s like everything around me wants me to feel worse. I don’t like feeling this way. I want to talk to you again. I want to work things out, and if this is impossible, I don’t know what to do. If I can’t ever have you back, where will I escape? My mind will always be here with me no matter where I go or what I do. For now, I guess I’ll just keep writing. I’ll keep trying to figure things out. I’ll keep thinking about you and wanting you back in my life. I’m not pretending to be anything anymore. I am this.